Busy but Connected: Strengthening Your Relationship Daily
How simple daily rituals can deepen emotional bonding and reduce stress. Key points People are busy these days, and it’s affecting our relationships. Research demonstrates that couples who report feeling overwhelmed with daily tasks are less likely to engage in meaningful conversations and emotional connection (Neff & Karney, 2004). Feelings of time scarcity lead to…
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Taking the Pressure Off of Sex
A fun and effective way to make intimacy fun again. Key points Sex is supposed to be fun. However, for many, sex has become a chore — or worse, an anxiety-provoking event. When sex becomes less about pleasure and more about performance, couples are at risk for a host of problems, including erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, diminished…
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Why Is Yawning Contagious?
Contagious yawning: Mirror neurons link nonconscious mimicry to empathy. Key points Contagious yawning refers to the tendency of individuals to yawn after seeing, hearing, or even thinking about someone else yawning. About 40% to 60% of people exhibit contagious yawning when exposed to these triggers (Norscia & Palagi, 2011). This behavior has been observed in…
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How to Stop People-Pleasing
Balancing the needs of self and other. Key points Do you always let others pick what to watch on TV? What to eat for dinner? How you spend your free time? Do you find yourself apologizing when someone is angry or displeased, even if you did nothing wrong? Do you find it hard to express…
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How to Apologize, According to a Couples Therapist
Show interest in how your partner was impacted, and hold off on explanations. Key points You messed up; we all do it sometimes. Now it’s time to make it right. Whether it’s a careless comment to a loved one or a thoughtless action that leaves someone feeling hurt, the emotional aftermath of a relationship rupture…
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The 3 Most Common Relationship Patterns and How to Break Them
Stuck in conflict or feeling distant? Here’s how you can break free. Key points What do lions, tigers, bears, and a sink full of dishes have in common? Fight, flight, or freeze: our stress system’s responses to threat. When being chased by a lion, we will either run (flight), take our shot at defending ourselves (fight), or,…
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All Therapy Is Exposure Therapy
Instead of spiders, we expose ourselves to our emotions, reducing avoidance. Key points Let’s say you plop on my couch. “So, what brings you in?” I ask. You start with a sigh, and at first speak in short, vague statements. “I’ve been feeling down,” you say. Or “I’m having problems in my relationship.” “Tell me…
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The ABCs of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Rooted in attachment theory, EFT focuses on softer, primary emotions. Key points Emotionally focused couples therapy is a relationship intervention that has its roots in attachment theory. According to attachment theory, our interactions with caregivers (and, most notably, our primary caregiver) shape the way that we interact with others throughout our lives. Children are born with needs for objects necessary…
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Why You Hold Things In, and How to Stop
How to self-validate and express your feelings in healthier ways. Key points What would you do if you were irritated that your partner forgot about an important commitment, yet again? Maybe you’d tell yourself, “It’s not a big deal, don’t bring it up.” But when it happens for the third time, you explode, and your…
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Rebuilding Couples’ Communication With Emotionally Focused Therapy
Behavior can be changed authentically in couples’ therapy by accessing underlying emotions. Key points This post is part 2 of a series. The emotion-focused couples therapist guides clients to first fully connect with and understand their emotions, and then create new responses and interaction patterns (Johnson, 2007). Emotionally focused therapists use emotion tracking, reflecting, and heightening…
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