Next Avenue: Does It Matter What My Daughter-In-Law Thinks of Me?

Here you can read excerpts from Donna Moriarity’s article published in Next Avenue written for mother-in-laws struggling in their relationship with their daughter-in-laws and wanting to learn how to improve their relationships.

If these misunderstandings go unacknowledged, they go underground, according to Dr. Tasha Seiter, a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in Fort Collins, Colorado. Seiter has seen many marriages suffer under the strain of discord between a wife and her husband’s mother.

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Tips for Improving the Situation

More suggestions from the experts and the women who’ve been there:

• Honor your son’s choices. Remember the boy you raised has chosen this woman to be his life partner and opted to put her needs first. Wouldn’t you expect the same from your own mate?
• Honor your own boundaries. Don’t allow your daughter-in-law to mistreat you. Instead, clearly state your expectation that she will treat you with respect, despite your differences.
• Keep your cool. My personal rule: never press “send” while your heart is racing. If you’re tempted to have it out with your daughter-in-law, whether electronically or in person, at least wait until you’ve had a chance to calm down. Breathe. Then ask yourself: Does this need to be said? Am I the best one to say it? Is now the best time? If the answer is no to any of the above, wait.
• Practice restraint. Keep your opinions to yourself and refrain from passing judgment — whether through words, body language or facial expressions. If you must share your irritation or frustration with your daughter-in-law, do so in private conversation, either with a therapist or a supportive, close-mouthed friend.
• Try to accept her exactly the way she is. And do the same for yourself. You are probably the last person who could change your daughter-in-law, so give it up. Stop blaming yourself for mistakes you might have made or how you might have won her over if only you’d tried harder. Let that go.

You can read the full article here