Show interest in how your partner was impacted, and hold off on explanations. Key points You messed up; we all do it sometimes. Now it’s time to make it right. Whether it’s a careless comment to a loved one or a thoughtless action that leaves someone feeling hurt, the emotional aftermath of a relationship ruptureContinue reading “How to Apologize, According to a Couples Therapist”
Tag Archives: relationship therapy
The 3 Most Common Relationship Patterns and How to Break Them
Stuck in conflict or feeling distant? Here’s how you can break free. Key points What do lions, tigers, bears, and a sink full of dishes have in common? Fight, flight, or freeze: our stress system’s responses to threat. When being chased by a lion, we will either run (flight), take our shot at defending ourselves (fight), or,Continue reading “The 3 Most Common Relationship Patterns and How to Break Them”
The ABCs of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Rooted in attachment theory, EFT focuses on softer, primary emotions. Key points Emotionally focused couples therapy is a relationship intervention that has its roots in attachment theory. According to attachment theory, our interactions with caregivers (and, most notably, our primary caregiver) shape the way that we interact with others throughout our lives. Children are born with needs for objects necessaryContinue reading “The ABCs of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy”
Why You Hold Things In, and How to Stop
How to self-validate and express your feelings in healthier ways. Key points What would you do if you were irritated that your partner forgot about an important commitment, yet again? Maybe you’d tell yourself, “It’s not a big deal, don’t bring it up.” But when it happens for the third time, you explode, and yourContinue reading “Why You Hold Things In, and How to Stop”
Rebuilding Couples’ Communication With Emotionally Focused Therapy
Behavior can be changed authentically in couples’ therapy by accessing underlying emotions. Key points This post is part 2 of a series. The emotion-focused couples therapist guides clients to first fully connect with and understand their emotions, and then create new responses and interaction patterns (Johnson, 2007). Emotionally focused therapists use emotion tracking, reflecting, and heighteningContinue reading “Rebuilding Couples’ Communication With Emotionally Focused Therapy”
What to Do When a Partner Feels Like a Roommate
The pattern of mutual withdrawal and how couples can break it. Key points You and your partner hardly ever fight, but something is missing in your relationship—a sense of being lovers, of passion, of emotional intimacy, of closeness. The pain of missing out on a deep love that feels just out of reach is heartbreaking. AndContinue reading “What to Do When a Partner Feels Like a Roommate”
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Emotionally focused therapy can be understood from a bioecological perspective. Key points Bronfenbrenner’s bioecological theory emphasizes the influence of bidirectional interactions between the person, their context, and time, as well as the proximal processes of interaction between these different variables and the developing individual. Proximal processes are seen as the “engines of development,” the mostContinue reading “Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy”
Why Does Couples Therapy Work?
The 3 mechanisms of change, according to research. Key points Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, Relational Life Therapy, Intimacy From the Inside Out Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy, Imago Relationship Therapy, Psychodynamic Couples Therapy… The list goes on and on. It can be challenging to choose a method of couples therapy whenContinue reading “Why Does Couples Therapy Work?”
“Stop Trying to Fix It” and What to Do Instead
These hidden needs may require addressing before offering solutions. Key points Have you ever felt caught in this pattern? You come home from a long day of work and try to vent to your partner, but they end up throwing solutions at you when all that you really want them to do is listen. OrContinue reading ““Stop Trying to Fix It” and What to Do Instead”
Keeping Your In-Laws Out of Your Relationship
How to validate your partner without bashing your parent. Key points One of the most common problems I see as a couples therapist is trouble with the in-laws. In fact, 75% of couples report having problems with an in-law. It can be hard enough to deal with your own parents, let alone your partner’s parents, who mayContinue reading “Keeping Your In-Laws Out of Your Relationship”