Stuck in conflict or feeling distant? Here’s how you can break free. Key points What do lions, tigers, bears, and a sink full of dishes have in common? Fight, flight, or freeze: our stress system’s responses to threat. When being chased by a lion, we will either run (flight), take our shot at defending ourselves (fight), or,Continue reading “The 3 Most Common Relationship Patterns and How to Break Them”
Category Archives: blog
All Therapy Is Exposure Therapy
Instead of spiders, we expose ourselves to our emotions, reducing avoidance. Key points Let’s say you plop on my couch. “So, what brings you in?” I ask. You start with a sigh, and at first speak in short, vague statements. “I’ve been feeling down,” you say. Or “I’m having problems in my relationship.” “Tell meContinue reading “All Therapy Is Exposure Therapy”
The ABCs of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Rooted in attachment theory, EFT focuses on softer, primary emotions. Key points Emotionally focused couples therapy is a relationship intervention that has its roots in attachment theory. According to attachment theory, our interactions with caregivers (and, most notably, our primary caregiver) shape the way that we interact with others throughout our lives. Children are born with needs for objects necessaryContinue reading “The ABCs of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy”
Why You Hold Things In, and How to Stop
How to self-validate and express your feelings in healthier ways. Key points What would you do if you were irritated that your partner forgot about an important commitment, yet again? Maybe you’d tell yourself, “It’s not a big deal, don’t bring it up.” But when it happens for the third time, you explode, and yourContinue reading “Why You Hold Things In, and How to Stop”
Rebuilding Couples’ Communication With Emotionally Focused Therapy
Behavior can be changed authentically in couples’ therapy by accessing underlying emotions. Key points This post is part 2 of a series. The emotion-focused couples therapist guides clients to first fully connect with and understand their emotions, and then create new responses and interaction patterns (Johnson, 2007). Emotionally focused therapists use emotion tracking, reflecting, and heighteningContinue reading “Rebuilding Couples’ Communication With Emotionally Focused Therapy”
What to Do When a Partner Feels Like a Roommate
The pattern of mutual withdrawal and how couples can break it. Key points You and your partner hardly ever fight, but something is missing in your relationship—a sense of being lovers, of passion, of emotional intimacy, of closeness. The pain of missing out on a deep love that feels just out of reach is heartbreaking. AndContinue reading “What to Do When a Partner Feels Like a Roommate”
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Emotionally focused therapy can be understood from a bioecological perspective. Key points Bronfenbrenner’s bioecological theory emphasizes the influence of bidirectional interactions between the person, their context, and time, as well as the proximal processes of interaction between these different variables and the developing individual. Proximal processes are seen as the “engines of development,” the mostContinue reading “Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy”
Why Does Couples Therapy Work?
The 3 mechanisms of change, according to research. Key points Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, Relational Life Therapy, Intimacy From the Inside Out Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy, Imago Relationship Therapy, Psychodynamic Couples Therapy… The list goes on and on. It can be challenging to choose a method of couples therapy whenContinue reading “Why Does Couples Therapy Work?”
“Stop Trying to Fix It” and What to Do Instead
These hidden needs may require addressing before offering solutions. Key points Have you ever felt caught in this pattern? You come home from a long day of work and try to vent to your partner, but they end up throwing solutions at you when all that you really want them to do is listen. OrContinue reading ““Stop Trying to Fix It” and What to Do Instead”
How to Live: What the Dying Tell Us
The top regrets of the dying and how we can use them to live better lives. Key points Bronnie Ware, a hospice nurse, asked the dying what they regretted most. While it may have been too late for her patients, their answers can tell us about how we should be living while we still haveContinue reading “How to Live: What the Dying Tell Us”