Balancing the needs of self and other. Key points Do you always let others pick what to watch on TV? What to eat for dinner? How you spend your free time? Do you find yourself apologizing when someone is angry or displeased, even if you did nothing wrong? Do you find it hard to expressContinue reading “How to Stop People-Pleasing”
Tag Archives: marriage counseling
How to Apologize, According to a Couples Therapist
Show interest in how your partner was impacted, and hold off on explanations. Key points You messed up; we all do it sometimes. Now it’s time to make it right. Whether it’s a careless comment to a loved one or a thoughtless action that leaves someone feeling hurt, the emotional aftermath of a relationship ruptureContinue reading “How to Apologize, According to a Couples Therapist”
The 3 Most Common Relationship Patterns and How to Break Them
Stuck in conflict or feeling distant? Here’s how you can break free. Key points What do lions, tigers, bears, and a sink full of dishes have in common? Fight, flight, or freeze: our stress system’s responses to threat. When being chased by a lion, we will either run (flight), take our shot at defending ourselves (fight), or,Continue reading “The 3 Most Common Relationship Patterns and How to Break Them”
The 3 Most Destructive Relationship Patterns and How to Break Them
Destructive relationship patterns can sneak into even the best bonds, messing things up before you know it. These types of destructive patterns can drain the joy right out of a relationship. So, let’s break them down, and try to find out how to break out of it. Key Points What do lions, tigers, bears, andContinue reading “The 3 Most Destructive Relationship Patterns and How to Break Them”
All Therapy Is Exposure Therapy
Instead of spiders, we expose ourselves to our emotions, reducing avoidance. Key points Let’s say you plop on my couch. “So, what brings you in?” I ask. You start with a sigh, and at first speak in short, vague statements. “I’ve been feeling down,” you say. Or “I’m having problems in my relationship.” “Tell meContinue reading “All Therapy Is Exposure Therapy”
How to apologize the right way to fix a relationship
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Tension and conflict may arise between partners from time to time, but it’s important to be able to resolve issues and take responsibility for your actions. It is also crucial to apologize correctly in order to improve the relationship and not aggravate the situation. How to apologizeContinue reading “How to apologize the right way to fix a relationship”
The ABCs of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Rooted in attachment theory, EFT focuses on softer, primary emotions. Key points Emotionally focused couples therapy is a relationship intervention that has its roots in attachment theory. According to attachment theory, our interactions with caregivers (and, most notably, our primary caregiver) shape the way that we interact with others throughout our lives. Children are born with needs for objects necessaryContinue reading “The ABCs of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy”
Why You Hold Things In, and How to Stop
How to self-validate and express your feelings in healthier ways. Key points What would you do if you were irritated that your partner forgot about an important commitment, yet again? Maybe you’d tell yourself, “It’s not a big deal, don’t bring it up.” But when it happens for the third time, you explode, and yourContinue reading “Why You Hold Things In, and How to Stop”
Why Does Couples Therapy Work?
The 3 mechanisms of change, according to research. Key points Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, Relational Life Therapy, Intimacy From the Inside Out Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy, Imago Relationship Therapy, Psychodynamic Couples Therapy… The list goes on and on. It can be challenging to choose a method of couples therapy whenContinue reading “Why Does Couples Therapy Work?”
Keeping Your In-Laws Out of Your Relationship
How to validate your partner without bashing your parent. Key points One of the most common problems I see as a couples therapist is trouble with the in-laws. In fact, 75% of couples report having problems with an in-law. It can be hard enough to deal with your own parents, let alone your partner’s parents, who mayContinue reading “Keeping Your In-Laws Out of Your Relationship”